Who needs poultry seasoning when you can have fauxltry seasoning instead? “What…the…hell…is…fauxltry seasoning?” you’re asking, i can tell that’s what you’re doing… Why it’s a (not so) secret blend of herbs and spices to magically transform ordinary every day food stuffs into delicious things you want to shove in your mouth, of course. duh.
“What-the-what??!” you may be asking now…it’s like a suped up version of a traditional poultry seasoning, but lots of extra bang, because who doesn’t want a bigger bang?
2g yellow mustard seed
1g | 4 whole turkish bay leaves
1g | 1/2 tsp celery seed
3g | 1 1/4 tsp white peppercorns
.5g | 1/8 tsp nutmeg
4g | 2 Tbsp marjoram
4g | 5 1/2 tsp sage
4g | 5 tsp thyme
2g | (just over) 3/4 tsp sweet smoked paprika
5g | 2 1/4 tsp onion powder
1.5g | 1/4 tsp granulated garlic (roasted if you can find it)
1.5g | 1/2 tsp turmeric powder
Grind mustard seed, rosemary, bay, celery seed, peppercorns, and nutmeg into a fine powder
Add marjoram, sage, and thyme and grind to desired consistency (if you'll be using this to make fauxltry broth powder, then grind it as fine as you can)
Mix in remaining powders and done
i like stuff peppery, if you aren't like me [don't you WANT to be like me? what's wrong with me?] then halve the amount of peppercorns.
Now you’re all like “Why would i make this? What would i EVER use this for?”
hmph. Oh ye of little faith. Trust in me, your faithful food alchemist! You can use this for adding some extra lala to your bland potatoes, or *gasp* STEAMED vegetables, or watery broth, OR you can go just a tad bit further down the rabbit hole and transform this even further [through the power of science! (okay, maybe not SCIENCE, but, whatever)] into some insanely delicious vegan fauxltry broth powder!!!!!!!!!! [i’m not kidding, instant fauxltry broth at the drop of a spoon]
Now go forth and fauxltry!!